He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
