i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
