Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
