I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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