She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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