OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
