I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
