Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You can't special order awesome
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
