Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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