WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
