my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
