turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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