dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bring me that man meat
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
God I need to hump something, right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
