she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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