the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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