yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
