Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
