She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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