i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
