I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
