I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
