I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
