Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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