I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How's work?
Spinning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
