I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
