she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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