he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
