so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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