so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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