But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
