my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
