I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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