toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
