Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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