I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
