I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He better not be in your backpack
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
