You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
