Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
