at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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