"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
