I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
