He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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