he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
