The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Two words: blizzard sex
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
