I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
