Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
