Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk is a universal language darling
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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