Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
