I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
