Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
