She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
