Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
