Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
