This girl is more easily done than said...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
